friday

Things were so unconsiderably edible in the past weeks. And then before I even noticed, the typhoon was almost over. I had to travel 10 hours back to my dingy room somewhere in Legarda just to be on time for a 7 o’clock lecture in my Dispensing class.

The day wasn’t so surprising though. It kept it’s old pace as if it was programmed to.  I knew I had chores to do and theories to learn. And as for the rest of the hours, I spent every working neuron on the even and descent trituration of 5 very small Aspirin tablets whose yellow stains I can only remember.

I had to get very interested with a half-cooked-almost-fried fish while trying to answer dinner pleasantries that I don;t even understand. I had to busily rage my bag for a lost calculator or a crumpled bill just to get past through stares, sighs and even half-hearted smiles. Worried faces just start to frighten me now. Maybe because I have never been too fragile or more so because I was never too used of running out of words to say.

I’d like to remain as me. But things are running way past my plans and perspectives. In 2 months, I started praying the Our Father in Spanish, talking to French girls, wearing heeled shoes, combing a very short hair, loosing touch with people, meeting old friends, hitting bathroom doors, loosing a lot of sleep, and attending Saturday classes. Am I so missing out on my old stuff? Or was I just meant to beat all the odds and draw my own line?

I have tried in my most capable way to breathe casually in some matters of my life. In my own ways, I laughed to be funny and asked to get conversations. I respected nature even in my simpliest actions. I even smiled at strangers and instantly knew what was in their hearts. I have defined compassion to so many friends and essays. I texted friends when I meant them. I gave enough love as much as I kept considerable lies. I have always believed in my righteousness as a daughter.

But sometimes, some other significant things are just meant to be vulnerable, in its very own special way… Of which only a prayer can understand.

And for that, I know something better than this and right now is set for me.

Still, Happy Birthday(=