i’m going to be feeling so sad about sunday

and then i’ll have to pack my things,

some memories,

even write a letter.

but i could still laugh when my boss pairs me up with her “ideal guy”

relay endorsements,

prepare OR replacements,

refill dextroses and ampule boxes,

list out patient discharges,

and charge medicines,

and read out prescriptions.

but still i’m going to be feeling so sad about sunday.

i can’t even wear my dress.

 

 

 

 

apenas déjeme tomar los cuadros

Apenas parece como el ayer en que iba todo tan bien. Planeé meticuloso una historia para vivir.

E intenté mi mejor para vivir. Las ocasiones parecían de donante.

Fui a cada masa en mis vestidos de domingo, pregunté cuándo no sé, yo empujé para la excelencia en cada presentación, y nunca dormí sobre el trabajo deshecho. Dije que mis rezos y yo tenía demasiado cuidado de no pedir demasiado.

Pero el sino parece dejarme responsable para las circunstancias algo de forma aplastante que están fuera de mis esferas.

Me recordé tan. Trabajé difícilmente. Tan difícilmente vivir por las leyes de la naturaleza y de la ciencia. Pero la orden natural de la acción y de la reacción trabaja en absoluto en los términos que entiendo.

Duele para realizar que diario consigue siempre más difícilmente que dura.

Es más doloroso que las maneras que ha trabajado siempre para otros no parece trabajar en absoluto para mí.

Consigo el funcionamiento cansado no porque necesité algo pero porque estoy demasiado ocupado olvidando que estoy sobreviviendo. Me recuerdan siempre que dios me dio todo— una vida casi perfecta de la seguridad y del exceso en casi todo que necesité y quise nunca. Y tengo incluso miedo ahora de preguntar si él quita también. Porque si hago, quizá I’ comienzo del ll que lo cree. A la derecha aquí, no puedo permitirme guardar en soltar.

Estoy pesando las probabilidades de permanecer puesta realidad y de dejar las fantasías mis los propios. Pero no hago quiere soltar la pasión para ser. Si paso solamente esta manera una vez, déjeme sonreír, canta, actúa, dibuja, escribe, y lo crea de la manera que puedo. Déjeme incluso mientras que grita.

Y finalmente, déjeme tomar cuadros del él solamente las cosas que tengo conmigo.

Déjeme perdonar y amar.

Apenas me prepongo ser feliz. Apenas feliz. No incluso más feliz.

karissa

Sa NLEX:

Karissa: Mommy, ano english as kotse?

Tita Elaine and Kate: Car!

Karissa: Eh ano english sa tsinelas?

Tita Elaine and Kate: Slippers!

Karissa: Eh sa Crocs?

Tita Elaine: *******

Kate: Ano Mommy?

this one is for leo

I am, again, working in my favorite shift where breakfasts usually start at midnight and random bloody tetanus toxoid cases follow after.

But it’s not about that.

At around 5 pm, when I was already supposed to be eating a “bruncher”,  Guess what? I dreamt of Kuya Leo.

Laugh your heart out Kuya Leo, but yes we were so in a fashion show—in the catwalk, posing for some spring collection of Banana Republic or the like. (You were wearing one of those V-cut tweed Harvard sweaters.)

And so as we were  going up the stage, you kept mumbling to me– “Ayusin mo Joey, Ayusin mo…”  haha.  And I was like? “Panu?”

Hay. Last night, I received unexpected phone calls from the dearest–est people in my life while I was on my way to the hospital.

Thank you guys.

How many times did we talk about boho hairs and LV and Vera Wang again?

bypassed

What is going on. (Imperatively)

It’s always that Zynapse 1g ampule.

So I was thinking,…not all the nurses are actually grouchy.

Some are just way too consistent.

I think I might even need the Zynapse now.

So how much is a table in heaven again?

2,000 dollars.

mille feuilles

in a 16,000 square foot restaurant

housing a 27 foot-high semi-circular main dinning room

with polished ebony panels and a giant abstract “big top” light shade that comfortably seats 95 people.

Feast like an angel, not like a president.

Otherwise, salvation is compromised.

Le Cirque, NY.

hangtime

Let me tell you a little story about how people are not like books with covers we can judge:

Eight years ago, it was in an early June morning when I found out that the homogeneous section I grew up with,  was reshuffled, reshuffled so badly, that I barely knew five people in the room.

Though the rest of our other batch mates were already 7 year-acquaintances, it was a different story.

The classroom was near the third floor landing and it was the first you see at the left wing. At the right wing and three classes farther, were the rest of my old classmates.

I always looked too old to seat in front, so at the far far end of the room– near the big glass window overlooking the stairs, I had to seat to the least known “acquaintance ” I can think of.

He stood 5′6, the same as I do.

He wasn’t rude, but not necessarily nice.

That was all that I needed to know.

But as the weeks passed on, I had, yes, I had to learn he was a star player of their team and everyone’s crush. (I honestly didn’t notice, no offense.)

They said he was supposed to be popular.

So, I learned all that, before I even knew his name.

Classes went on day after day and I had to bear with remarks from teachers about how he didn’t do his assignments, not passed his notebooks, and slept in NEAT review classes.

Oh yes, he is popular.

I hated how he doesn’t copy lectures, bring his books, and hide under his workbook during Reading class while eating bubble gum.

I vividly hated how dirty his yellow Adidas bag was.

Especially, I hated that he doesn’t give the slightest care about the whole, wide, breathing world.

The only thing I didn’t hate was how he doesn’t know me.

–like how I actually didn’t know him.

He wasn’t in a childhood crisis after all.

He loves his family and his passion for sports.

He is a really good friend to everyone.

I wasn’t really able to thank him for teaching me how to speak Bicol.

for an attempt to lend me his sister’s M2M CDs.

for almost saving my face with the cellphone thingy. (In which case, he was first at fault.)

for some assignments which he also actually does.  Sometimes.

for not getting really mad after a hard punch at the back that made him sick for a week.

for writing in those floral autographs.

for carrying my sleeping bag during retreat.

for lending me his cellphone battery.

for the MOTIVATION when I played re-bounder for our team.

for the silent hello’s at the halls in high school.

for the vote. I assume.

for the heart-felt- four-year-late-apology. Really.

and the stories.

for the friendship.

Pasawayun kaya. haha.

For the last time, it was JC for Jesus Christ. Didn’t you hear that from Bro. Ed’s lectures?

Or you must have been out again

always Hangtime.

(Hoy, sinulat ko lang to kasi super konti lang naman ng mga kabutihang ginawa mo sakin e. Joke lang. hehe.)

the glorified rah-rah girl

I can’t believe I just got through a very very impossible shift. In the monotony of these week’s mornings, I would often find myself yawning amidst the white blur from this vantage point.

Work just flows smoothly and it seldom piles up at these hours. But it doesn’t matter. I found that it was more important to get tired and really get tired than just sit there nursing a random trance so hard to pick up and then let go after. At these part of life where almost every case is a red flag, you cannot just get lost.

Though it certainly didn’t make me love this degree more, it made me think more for all the time and the dreams I have built upon it. It wasn’t just worth it, it could’ve been meant to be.

So instead of grouching over unreadable prescriptions, phone calls to the nth power, and yes ampules (i hate ampules), I just often find myself straightening  my brooch and keeping the ball rolling.

I believe I’m saving lives. More than a paycheck.

a comment worth reposting

Ratings: Erap Estrada: “Those who live in glass houses should cast no stones. Those who should be in jail should not threaten it, especially if they have been there.” Chiz Escudero: Libre ang mangarap! =)))) Loren Legarda: Muslim princess meets Botox Bayani Fernando: weird Ed Panlilio: Ayaw ng CBCP Gloria Arroyo??: We had enough Noli de Castro: Ayoko Mar Roxas: “If you really want something done, just do it. Do it hard, do it well. Don’t pussyfoot. Don’t pander. And don’t say bad words in public.” Ping Lacson: PK (puedi kana) Jamby Madrigal: Wala lang Manny Villar: OK lang Bro. Eddie Villanueva: Nge Gilbert Teodoro: Uhh… Hindi ko kilala Seriously, if elections are to be held today Villar will win hands-on. Like I said, OK lang. I just have a problen with Cynthia Villar as the First Lady. Hindi gorgeous. Ahehe =)))))) GOD BLESS THE 2010 ELECTIONS! Ratings: Erap Estrada: “Those who live in glass houses should cast no stones. Those who should be in jail should not threaten it, especially if they have been there.” Chiz Escudero: Libre ang mangarap! =)))) Loren Legarda: Muslim princess meets Botox Bayani Fernando: weird Ed Panlilio: Ayaw ng CBCP Gloria Arroyo??: We had enough Noli de Castro: Ayoko Mar Roxas: “If you really want something done, just do it. Do it hard, do it well. Don’t pussyfoot. Don’t pander. And don’t say bad words in public.” Ping Lacson: PK (puedi kana) Jamby Madrigal: Wala lang Manny Villar: OK lang Bro. Eddie Villanueva: Nge Gilbert Teodoro: Uhh… Hindi ko kilala Seriously, if elections are to be held today Villar will win hands-on. Like I said, OK lang. I just have a problen with Cynthia Villar as the First Lady. Hindi gorgeous. Ahehe =)))))) GOD BLESS THE 2010 ELECTIONS!

-mastermayhem:-)

I grew up in MTV not in cartoon network

Hop in. I’ll take you back to me.

Classics.

Not exactly so MTV but as early as 6, I was lucky to have experienced all-time loved classics.

Yesterday by the Beatles was my first ever favorite piece in the piano— some 3 months before my tutor came teaching me. I’m proud to say I learned the melody by myself through widowing.

What can I do? I had a lot of time snooping at my parents’ records at home. So I was already into Carpenters (all of their songs) at 2nd or 3 rd grade I guess. I memorized them by heart with 4 sets of old cassette tapes with its paired compilation of lyrics. Goodbye to Love is my favorite.

Up to now I could almost cry singing this. Ironically, it reminds me of my really really young years at home. Carpenters taught me how to sing.

My cousin Ate Fen would usually sing Buloy by Parokya while doing her Algebra. So I would sing the song every time I’d hear it while traveling from school to home. I thought I was the coolest kid then. Whapack.

I supposed I already discovered alternative music after the ballad stage so I started idolizing guess who? Alanis Moresette with Ironic.

And Cranberries with Ode To My Family. Do-dododo-do-dododo was my motivation. haha.

And Natalie Imbruglia with Torn. (Oh I’m am so nostalgic na.)

And finally, one other memorable song Joy-ann and I directed for Children’s Theater with Sir Orzales (as far as I remember) is Tara Tena.

A real bite off the MTV sandwich

Boy bands and their Wowie air:

I was suddenly so engrossed with  Give it to Me Baby by Offspirng and the Aha-aha.

“Uno, dos, tres, quatro, sinco sinco, seis”

Of course, of course, who didn’t notice Britney Spears’ legandary Hit Me Baby One More Time?

Everybody seemed to want to go to Brentwood that time.

1990’s means boy groups singing with THAT hair. And THAT hair means no one else but Backstreet Boys. This was my favorite.

It was during this time when we THOUGHT we could start a band. We named it Second Childhood (We had delusions of being grown-ups ever since) so we started practicing singing and dancing with this song.

And of course Hanson. I loved them– Soliel and I actually. We were crazy about them.

Oh well, she is, with Zac. (Kids…)

Now here’s a little story about the Moffats:  My best friend, Len, who was bunso to 5 girls in the family so loved a Moffat– Bob.

So, I learned to love Clint and the Moffats too. This was our favorite.

Backstreet means Nick Carter and Nick Carter means Aaron Carter. He is my age and I was so pissed to learn then that he was 4′9. I thought you you were not supposed to like a boy smaller than you are. haha.

This was my farewell song to that little crush on him.

So I liked Gil Ofarim more. Yay.

…on to the pink power girls

First in line is Charina and her Spice Girls:

She was Sporty Spice and everybody including me wanted to be Baby Spice (oh please)

Again, I cried with this farewell song. They were so part of our recess.

Also The Corrs and Charina’s tapes:

Really classical.

Now Krissa here brings me to TLC. For Pete’s sake, we were singing the Unpretty song until sophomore year.

Krissa loves Left-eye.

…also Angel by Monica. I spent a whole day in frustration trying to imitate her voice.

So I thought I could imitate Emilia’s voice better.

Until now, I still sing this song with Rosekath in the piano.

Jovie, yes, it was in almost all breaks we would sing M2M’s. (We were self-procLaimed J2J and Angelo was so sick of it. haha.) Technically, Brian and Cesar would lend me CD’s… saying it’s their sister’s. haha.

Take care Bri, wherever you are. I  miss the days.

I seem to have ended my pop days with Mandy Moore’s Cry. The song and the movie were both very very significant to me.

I decided to read the book A Walk To Remember 4 years after had it not been for boredom at a cold nothing-to-do Frisco airport.  I still cried.

High school days and almost random.

It was always a busy year for me in high school but I still needed to grow up.

And technically, I wasn’t to get tired of music.

I loved Black Stabilo.

I almost cried when they said I was for ballads. WHHHAAAT? So Trisha, our drummer, suggested Three Small Words for me.

I felt very comfortable with it. I sang it for almost a month every morning in the shower.

We were born as Greenday kids– so including Prince (He looks like the vocalist na tuloy). So we still live by it. This is my forever favorite.

Another favorite song is I quit by Hepburn, very alternative.

Trisha and I were so practicing the Messiah word a lot times during PE class.

Avril Lavigne of course always comes into picture. The rock debut will of course always be memorable.

Eloisa even wrote the lyrics in this torn notebook paper while singing it I thing in Sewing Class (Yawness). The Chill out opening was so rockish.

Another rock classic I won’t dare forget. All American Rejects with Swing Swing.

Darn guys you were all so good. Reena on the piano, Trish on the drums, Donna with the awesome lead guitar and I was on the vocals.

Did you hear the interlude? Donna did that.

Who else? Yes. Simple Plan.

It was intramurals I so remember very well, when Trisha lent me this CD.

And so, I learned what Saddie Hawkin’s Dances are.

College days, Sundays, and rainy days.

Rainy days and Sundays in college would mean no class days so that would mean a lot of bonding time with Kuya Jerbie (a total genius in every musical aspect), Rosekath, a pianist and violinist, and the rest of my other dormies.

1. There was the HSM culture- with Doc Ben, Kuya Leo, Ate Kim, Kuya Jerome, Ate Lily, and Kuya Jaydee, Ate Claire and Sergio.

2. The Ballad duets with Kuya Jerbie and Kuya Dominic

3. Disney Classics

4. More 90’s

5. And finally the many dorm songs that we so treasure.

So this is where I have been growing up since.

And since then, I have always wondered why I loved Mickey shirts.